Publication Week - Anxiety, Cupcakes & Anxiety
...and why I need to find a better way to launch a book
I have thoughts.
So many thoughts.
As most of you know, three weeks ago today I published my debut novel Made for You with Mira, an imprint of Harper Thee Collins. Getting published with a Big 5 publisher is a dream for so many—and it certainly was for me. For ten years. It was a long journey, filled with lots and lots (and lots) of rejection. Two weeks ago, I even shared the rejections Made for You got before selling to Mira—and I have to admit I got a huge kick out of airing that deliciously dirty laundry, heh heh.
I recently wrote about my long years of rejection for Writer’s Digest, so I won’t wax on and on about that today, but you can read the article here:
Anyway, you’d think that after a decade of dreaming and hoping, publication week would be just full of joy.
Sparkles.
Dancing around feeling light as a feather, etc. etc.
I’d love to tell you that it is.
…but I’d be lying.
I’ll start with the positive, though!! There were for sure sparks of joy when friends sent me pics of them receiving their preorders, or finding Made for You at the Barnes & Noble at the very center of New York City (for example!!!).
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So fun.
And the book launch party at City Lit on the day of release was incredibly fun.
In fact, that event was the absolute highlight of getting the book out there. The love, the support, the laughter, the hugs, the cupcakes. (Too many cupcakes—I ordered 96 and we had half left over! Which btw my kids and fam took care of nooo problem ;).
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But the predominant feeling of publication week, for me?
Anxiety.
Welp. Not that original, I know.
Big important disclaimer in case my publisher is reading this
In no way is this post meant to throw my publisher/editor/HC team under the bus. (love u guys!!!!) It’s merely an honest meander through all the emotions of publication week… which ended up surprising me. A lot. Oof. I… did not expect to have so many negative feelings!
So if you’ve also had a lousy time when you launched your book—or felt embarrassment, as I have, that you weren’t smiling and on cloud nine 1000% of the time—or have a book launch coming up and aren’t sure what to expect—
—this is for you.
But back to the anxiety thing
For a little context, I’m not generally an anxious person. Of course I have my things I worry about—but being zen is my happy place, and many days (most days?) I can remain there quite happily.
Unfortunately, publishing a book is very zen-ruining. The source of the anxiety?
For me, it wasn’t that lots of people were reading. It wasn’t that reviews weren’t all good. I’ve found (to my utter, evil delight) that I have the skin thickness of a triceratops when it comes to bad reviews. My honest feelings about this are, if you’ve read it, YAY! That’s another reader! (and closer to royalties!) If you hated it, yay, that means I’m reaching readers who don’t like it, which is a larger population that just the readers who do! (again, closer to royalties!) (Yes, I am unapologetically here to make money as well as art)
No—the source of my anxiety was 100% sales performance related.
And came from the fact that I had no idea what the %$&* was happening.
Are we marketing this? (I wondered)
Surely? Yes. But how? Specifically? I don’t know. And of course authors are never told (I don’t think?) the marketing budget assigned to their book. Which can change depending on Super Secret Publishing Things like “traction” and… ??? Were we dropping $5 on my book’s marketing efforts? Or $500? Or… ???????
Why not ask, you might wonder? Well, because it’s a no-no. Authors aren’t told this info at my level; publishers (in my understanding) feel this is sensitive and confidential. Maybe if you’re Stephen King or Barack Obama, you get the gorgeous detailed breakdown on the Excel spreadsheet of my dreams? But, alas, I have not yet achieved the level of stardom that unlocks that particular Excel.
I wondered about a lot of things.
Were there any special week 1 marketing effort to help push things?
Were there secret metrics that secret people at my publisher were looking at but not telling me about?
Was anyone personally keeping an eye on things at my publisher and advocating for strategies? Or was it “let the balloon go into the happy blue sky and see what happens”?
Were preorders good? Bad? Ugly? And how much did it matter?
Was someone at my publisher sitting at a massive control desk in the basement of Harper Thee Collins with their villainous cat Bernard on the arm rest, watching my sales tank and cackling evilly as they muttered, “no more book deals for you, my sweet”????
This may sound weird, but I had the sinking feeling that, once my wonderful and loyal friends and family all bought the book… no one else was going to buy it. And I was hit with the realization afresh that, beyond my small circle of friends and loved ones, I can’t sell books.
What do you mean you can’t sell books?
Okay. I can sell some. I mean, my dad alone bought 13 copies! (thanks Dad you’re the best)
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But, I figure in the best case scenario, it’s possible that I sold 200 copies through my personal sphere of influence. Maybe. (Likely less) In any case, whether I moved 100 or 200, that’s a drop in the ocean for a publisher like HarperCollins. They want to sell tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands would be nice, too. (After all, they must feed Bernard his imported kitty caviar!) So yes, I can sell a few books. But that’s like saying I can personally help Lake Michigan water levels rise by pouring in a cup of water.
I am not a marketing company. I can’t make bookstores stock my book (in fact, I think I’d get in trouble if I did haha). I can’t make Barnes & Noble display it prominently—or even stock it in every store (spoiler, it is definitely not stocked in every store)!!
I’ve reached my circle of people—and that circle is small (mighty! but small)—and there was a moment I was like, “oh s*%t. I’ve tapped everyone I know. There’s… nothing else I can do.”
Of course I can post to my Instagram or my Twitter.
And yes I’ve been on a couple podcasts.
And I have a really fun even in August at a bookstore in Wisconsin (Reads by the River! Come join me!). (QUICK PLUG FOR THAT EVENT BELOW!!!)
But even my personal circle plus my social media reach… that is so, so, so, so limited.
“Life’s not fair,” - my mom circa 1984
I know. It’s the same complaint we’ve all had since we could first speak, pretty much. But I think it feels like a rude surprise since sometimes publishing can position itself as a meritocracy… when it’s absolutely not.
If you’re not in the publishing world, this may come as a surprise to you, but … publishers are out to make money. Gone are the 1990s (and before) when publishers were happy breaking even, or with small profits, and were in it for the art. For the books. To help authors shape a career, even if one or two of their books flopped along the way.
No longer. The current landscape is rather brutal. (There truly was a shift; my historian husband has read all about it!)
Nowadays, if you have been published before, publishers will always always always check the sales numbers of your previous book(s) before offering you a new book deal. And if the sales numbers aren’t up to par? Let’s just say that many of them just won’t take that chance on your next book. I’ve seen this happen. And it sucks.
Of COURSE there are exceptions and workarounds. Writing under pen names. Writing in new genres. Oh, and writing a book so brilliant, editors can’t say no! (Kinda love that advice, from J.T. Ellison via Kristen Bird’s Substack— “Write the book they can’t ignore”). But it’s not easy. There’s a new roadblock, and you have to work extra hard and extra smart and have an extra dose of luck to overcome it.
No one ever said publishing was fair. It’s a for-profit business. That’s the name of the game. But that doesn’t mean we writers don’t feel the sting of the unfair at every stage, from querying to being on sub to trying to get better terms in our contract to debuting to the whole enchilada.
This is not a surprise, mentally
I’ve been involved in some way or another in the publishing world for a long time. I know authors’ personal efforts to sell books don’t move the sales needle in any significant way.
But I also know that my debut novel’s sales performance can and will affect my future in this industry.
Are you getting why that’s a hard pill to swallow? I can’t sell my own traditionally published book beyond my small circle. I need a marketing and sales team to do that—to place it in stores and put it where people can find it. But I don’t know what those teams are doing beyond a fairly basic list of bullet points. (To put it bluntly—I’m not their boss and they don’t answer to me!) I don’t know, this early on, if my publisher is happy with my book’s performance. But the results could bite me in the butt.
So, there’s the root of the anxiety, folks.
To put it bluntly, I’m on the hook for the consequences of an effort I’m largely in the dark about and absolutely can’t control… and, lest it seem I’m casting all responsibility on my publisher, there is also so much luck in this. So much unpredictability. I mean, does anyone have the algorithm that can predict whether a book will sell well??
No.
Which would maybe be okay… if it didn’t feel like the ax was waiting to fall—on me. Personally.
I know. So dramatique (hey, I’m a writer, okay?). But really, guys—this reality I knew about in my head hit me in the heart and the gut in a whole new way during publication week. I was anxious. I couldn’t sleep. I felt sick and icky. I hated it.
In short: I’d prefer not to do that again.
Thankfully and SO, so luckily, I DO get to do this again… twice! (At least!) Next year I have my UK debut coming in the summer (VERY fun news about that coming soon that I’m dyyyying to share!!!) and my locked room murder mystery The New Year’s Party coming in October from Mira.
So. How do I do it differently next year?
Uhhhh. IDK.
I’m generally good at parsing out (mentally speaking) the things I can control and the things I can’t. I’m decent at compartmentalizing and setting aside stress over things I can’t influence or affect. But this experience really showed me I still have a lot to learn.
I wish I could end this on a super upbeat note, like “…and here are 5 ways YOU can avoid anxiety during YOUR publication week!”… but I’m still in the middle of it all, so… check back in next year? So far my only idea is “drink more whiskey” and I’m pretty sure that’s, erm, not the path to ultimate success hahaha?
I mean, come on. SURELY there’s a (healthy?) workaround, some way I can publish a book without winding up in AA and NOT feel anxious and stressed and icky and sleepless—
…right?
In the meantime, if you’d like to buy Made for You, help feed Bernard his expensive caviar and, ya know, help keep my career afloat, I’d be oh-so-grateful.
Alternately, any advice for next year’s book launch strategy would be liquid gold to me!!!]
And for anyone reading who has launched a book—what was it like for you?
I'm debating whether to hire outside PR person for my debut next year, and honestly, I think your post just pushed me to yes! The hardest part about publishing is not knowing what is going on. like---why don't we know anything? It seems so strange. But, fwiw, I saw your book at a "summer reads" table front and center at a B&N in Denver the week it came out. Of course I bought it! it is here on my bookshelf and it looks lovely and I can't wait to read it :)
Something positive to think about --you may only be able sell a few hundred books directly through your own efforts, but word of mouth is a powerful force in selling books. So if some of the people who bought the book because of your personal efforts tell a few other people who tell a few other people, well you get the idea. You never know.